This week a long and leaden era ended for me in many ways. I graduated from the university, when I never even hoped to last through secondary school. I also got a job, which I am hoping to be able to keep. My dragons are hatching and I still don’t dare count them.
Sometimes when someone asks how I have done this – I really do not know. I cannot be that glorious story – the person, who climbed up and got an education on her own. Because this was never true. I never had a special talent, or extraordinary craft and will. And today – it is high time I say thanks to everyone who contributed to showing me I might be worth saving
Firstly. The friend who let me live in her home for a year and encouraged me to go to the university. Secondly all the friends from the university who helped me in times of need – with food and other supplies. Thirdly all the teachers who stood by me. I would never have imagined people to be this good. The head of the institute was the one many times, who saved me from falling out. Another teacher got me a psychologist, which contributed a lot to me finishing this year. The administrator was always there to help me, and when I came to the state exam sick she arranged to postpone it. I got e-mails, helpful numbers, and many of you know that a vast number of people from the university contributed to my crowdfunding campaign without any moral strings attached. I will make announcements about that soon. Thanks to one of teachers – this campaign reached many.
So I went to the university to attain a degree, but I see that it was the least I could get out of it. I also regained my faith in humanity. I will miss all those lessons in literature that kept opening up my world. They were occasions when I felt utterly understood and cared for. In the final year – thanks to groupmates and teachers I finally could open up, and be very plain about everything. And nobody laughed. And no judgments were told.
My personality developed enormously in these past years, and I now feel more ready to face life. I am no longer afraid or ashamed. We are who we are, and whoever we are can be understood. The key was always so close. I just had to speak. Why was it so hard to use this key? I still don’t know. When you speak out, you learn who your friends are, and lose your enemies. They either flee or become your friends.
A teacher of mine told me he thought people crave honesty if you say it right. I disagreed, even raged in myself and I swore to prove him wrong. I couldn’t. And that makes me happy.
Lastly I am grateful for the family, who acted like my very own family. The people who called me to dine with them at Christmas, 6 people who kept believing in me. Thank you! Never would have made it without you.
I wish I could give something back to all of you in my life.
Why I am writing all these is to tell you that I never could have survived alone. I don’t want to think of where I would be now without all of your help, people!